Unreliable Witness

When you've been offended

It’s good to forgive the offence

And forget it happened

Or so I've been told

So I've tried to forgive the stove

That burned my hand at Christmas

But I'm afraid to forget

I'm worried it'll get me again if I did

Today, I rode a bike again

The moment I climbed the seats

I knew what I was supposed to do

Though it's been ten years since

I took off like Lance on drugs

How did I manage to forget

My girlfriend's birthday today?

I remember my first sexual encounter

But the memory of my first climax

Doesn't exist anymore

I've spent the years since,

Trying to recreate the memory

So far without success

But I'm happy to keep at it

When I read a biography

And see a lot of direct quotes

I wonder if all the people I meet,

Carry recorders in their pockets

To keep proper account of events

In case they choose in twenty years

To recreate our encounters in print

I had scrambled eggs and porridge

For breakfast this morning

The eggs were a little salty

And the porridge a bit cold

I won't remember that tomorrow

Yet I remember my first kiss

From when I was twelve years old

The pubs and bars of London

Are great for picking up women

Mostly because I only remember

The ones that came home with me

I've banished from memory the ones

Who threw their wine in my face,

Before they walked, swinging

Their hips in my face

It's a good thing nobody remembers

The day they were born

We're all screwed up enough already

Without the memory of that day

When we first made our mothers cry
In the presence of total strangers